A Conversation With Elliott McNair About Sobriety, Love, Humility, and Self-Acceptance
When Elliott McNair moved to New York City, he knew immediately that it was where he was supposed to be. Growing up in rural Georgia as a gay man, he never felt a sense of belonging, community, or acceptance in quite the same way.
Drinking was a big part of his life from early, but at a certain point, it became unmanageable.
He started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in 2015 after his husband became increasingly concerned about him, but he stopped after a few months.
Elliott continued drinking more than ever. He would buy a bottle of Tito’s and the only time he wouldn’t finish it would be if he poured some out to stop himself.
Things didn’t change until 2017 when a neighbor Elliott had spent time connecting with died by suicide, and the following day, a tragic act of terror occurred outside of the restaurant he worked at, killing one person, injuring many, and traumatizing a group of school children that were coming in to eat there.
As he slipped immediately into the mode of “protector, managing chaos,” hungover, still emotionally feeling the pain of his neighbor’s death, he knew that it was time to make a change in his own life.
About a month later, Elliott reached out to his first sponsor, someone he had met randomly and connected with on Facebook, for help.
In New York City, as Elliott explains, “there’s a meeting for everyone.”
When he started to attend LGBTQIA+ AA meetings, as he describes, it “de-mystified being an alcoholic and also a gay man at the same time.”
In our hour-long conversation, Elliott shares his experiences with drinking and the feelings associated with being an alcoholic.
He shares his accounts of early sobriety, and the challenges one faces such as "who will I be on the other side of this?”
While he, like most people when first getting sober, worried he would become “boring,” nothing was further from the truth. He has more friends and a more active social life in sobriety than he ever did while drinking.
Elliott discusses the powerful community of AA in New York City, and how it’s truly “the great equalizer,” for no matter what your individual circumstances, people from all walks of life come together to share stories and relate to one another.
We also talk about growing up in chaos, co-dependency, and learning that not only is it “not your job to fix people,” but it’s actually impossible.
Elliott has recently celebrated four years of sobriety, and while he sometimes claims to still not “know” everything, he’s committed to showing up every day for himself, and just being the best he can be.
If you’re listening to this podcast and seeking answers for yourself, Elliott poses the question “what have you got to lose?”
Seek help. Be open to answers. There’s a community for everyone.
You can find Elliott on Instagram @elliottmcnair
