I recently was learning about Human Design (a category I can only say I’m a novice in,) and it was pointed out to me that I have a completely open ego/motivation center.

I was asked if I had trouble with consistency, and truth be told, I don’t give a fuck about consistency.

What I give a fuck about is being a “good” character in my own story. (“Good” in quotes because of the deeper work I do where we essentially throw out the idea that “good” and “bad” exist at all.)

I’ll give an example:

Recently, I was experiencing what I’d call ultra paranoid thoughts.

One day, I was on a run, for example, and a banana peel was on the running path. I thought “someone is going to slip and break their neck,” so I picked it up and tossed it into the road.

FOR THE NEXT MILE I was having RIDICULOUS thoughts that a car would slide on the peel, hit another car, there’d be a huge accident, they’d “look at cameras and see I threw the banana peel,” I’d be GETTING A LAWYER, GOING TO JAIL, etc etc.

Now, this is completely ridiculous, but it made me realize I hadn’t meditated in quite a few weeks.

I did not like playing the character of a person who thinks they’re going to serve 25 to life for throwing a banana peel into the street, so I decided daily meditation had to resume.

I don’t give a flying fuck about meditation. I do care about how the character of Andee Scarantino shows up in the world, and I did NOT like the one who was showing up.

The same goes true for exercise. I give few to no fucks about how my body looks. I don’t wish to be ill, but I am not motivated by a physical exterior.

I AM, however, a person who struggled with anxiety and depression for many, many years, and I find I do not have this when I exercise. So, I show up. Every. Day.

This is a podcast about consistency and motivation.

I’m consistent and I’m motivated, but I’m neither inherently.

I also talk about how even though I have made MASSIVE, MASSIVE FUCKING CHANGE in the last five years of my life, almost every day it feels like “nothing is happening.”

Sure, I’ve had beautiful, emotional moments like being seated in an exit row for the first time and being able to agree to the terms (one of my first sober flights,) or PR’ing the NYC Marathon four weeks after running Chicago with a red event alert level. (It was f’in hot)

However, most days are humdrum, thump thump.

People think there’s this MASSIVE “release” that happens when you make a giant change. There isn’t.

Because we are only here now, my experience is that everything typically feels very stagnant.

The feeling of change involves monotony and micro-deposits.

Letting go of the idea there’s going to be this massive moment where all of your bullshit is released is necessary for growth.

Daily deposits, big why, and “thump thump.” That’s where it’s at.

Mentioned in this episode is my interview with Frank Zaccari which you can find here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TsW6Ct_K-w&t=1666s

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