**Disclaimer: This podcast is a narrative of personal reflection. I am not certified in suicide prevention. If you are seriously considering taking your own life, I promise that there is hope, and your life is worth living. Please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or dial 911.

Back in 2015, as I would stand waiting for the train to pull into the station on my way to work, I’d always think to myself “is today the day? Is today the day I jump in front of this train?”

What’s more shocking and surprising is not only did I think that but when I shared it with friends and people I knew (because I’m open about these things,) many of them said they had the same thought.

I didn’t really wish to take my own life. I was stuck--

Stuck in a life I hated, a job I hated, a body I hated, and in circumstances that didn’t excite me or lead me to jump out of bed every morning with enthusiasm. I was simply being carried along by the current of drudgery.

I thought the fleeting thoughts of “is today the day” were just typical of human existence. I didn’t realize they signified a much larger problem: that I was not living my life purposefully.

This podcast is about hope and change. It’s about taking control of your circumstances and recognizing that you can crawl out of the pit. The awareness that you’re in the pit is the first step on the ladder. The ladder to climb out is right there.