Values: They Aren't Always Serving Us in the Best Way
I was reading an article last week in The Atlantic entitled “Why Did We Ever Send Sick Kids to School.”
It was very well-written and highlighted a problem with American culture- that we place the ultimate value on productivity, often at a tremendous cost.
Up until COVID, it was stressed and encouraged that kids should attend school while sick (so long as they weren’t feverish, etc.) That translated to adults “going to work while sick.”
The value of “grinding,” “forward motion,” “productivity,” and “soldiering through” is uniquely American. It was something we were all taught to believe.
We do it at the cost of our physical and mental health, and our well-being.
I remember when I was working a traditional job, I not only could count the times on one hand that I “called out sick” in the last 13 years, but I also got angry when other people did it.
“What right do they have to not come to work when they have a cold?”
It was only with the arrival of COVID-19, when having symptoms of a “cold” might mean an immunocompromised person may end up critically, even tragically ill, that we began to rethink this bizarre way of being.
Values are interesting. They’re things that come from outside of us, much of the time.
I’m not talking about the value that everyone deserves life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—that’s a non-negotiable for me. I believe in that value above all else.
But little “values” that we use to dictate our lives. Where do those come from?
One of the reasons I got off dating apps (besides the fact that I can’t stand fucking sickening small talk) is because the first question people ask is “what do you do?”
I used to ask that question, until 2007 when I was doing an internship in London, and I was sleeping with this guy. We’d been on a few dates and I still was asking the question “what do you do?”
He pointed out to me how uniquely American of a question that was, and how to people in the UK, it was really irrelevant in casual conversation what someone “did.” Emphasis on occupation in conversation is an American value.
I thought, “hm. That makes sense.” Since, I stopped asking the question.
I still don’t know what he “did,” by the way. Something to do with aviation insurance, I think.
Values are just part of a story that we tell ourselves. They’re part of the “story of you.”
That’s not to say that your values are good, or bad. They’re just something that determines your direction.
The issue is, when you want something, and your values don’t align with that, it may be time to renegotiate those values.
For example, if you want more peace in your life, but you’re “not the type of person who gets into that meditation crap,” you might need to renegotiate something about that.
If your well-being is always coming secondary to everything else, your spouse, your kids, your job, etc, you’re probably not showing up for them in the best way possible. You might need to renegotiate the value of where you place yourself in the hierarchy.
Just because you have a value, it doesn’t mean that value is serving you.
The American value of showing up to school/work sick doesn’t serve anyone, and we definitely learned that through COVID.
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