Not in Control vs. "Out of Control:" On Managing Your Inner State
This weekend, I attended a wedding in Savannah, GA.
Despite the tropical storm blowing through NYC, our flight was not canceled. We were all set for an on-time departure when the pilot tested the windshield wipers, only to find out the motor to move one of them was cracked and not functional.
Needless to say, the plane was grounded, and I spent half the night in the airport.
While none of us had control over the situation, some people were clearly “out of control.'“ The group of people behind me was frantically exploring “options,” none of which would get them home safer, faster, or cheaper. They were analyzing with upset. They were driving to Atlanta, driving to South Carolina, flying to Boston and renting a car…
The best, safest, cheapest, and the most viable option was to just sit still and wait. The airline was responsible for the error, and by federal law, they had to get us home. To accept that, however, would take away the illusion of control. These people were just not willing.
They chose “chaos” as their inner state.
We cannot control a damn thing that happens to us.
We can’t control how other people have treated us.
We can’t control the programming we received as a child.
The only thing we can control, the thing we must take responsibility for, is our inner state. We are always at choice for that.
In the latter part of this episode, I also discuss themes like “loving your body” and becoming upset with a friend/partner for not providing what you need from them emotionally.
We are always “at choice.”
We can’t control how someone else behaves, or how they operate, but we can control ourselves, and what we allow into our lives. We always have control over who we allow ourselves to be, and the things we allow ourselves to feel.
