When people want to stop drinking, a lot of times the first concern is "who will I be on the other side of this?"

When I interviewed my friend Elliott on my podcast last year, he also voiced that he was worried he'd be this boring person that "everyone thinks is sad."

Who the hell wants that?

I was one of those people who just saw a sliver of the world of recovery, reinforced by disempowering accounts the Instagram algorithm served up, and uninspiring, "straight out of a text book" Google search results.

I was completely misinformed about what would actually happen, which was that I would become more me than I'd ever been.

One of The Four Agreements (from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz) is “don’t take anything personally.”

Yet, when people remain unhealed in an area, something you say MAY touch them in a way that’s triggering. They may feel intense anger for you and your very being.

This is a transformation reality.

My guest this week is an incredible friend of mine, Donny Hadfield-Smith. Donny is an entertainment personality who just recently was contracted by The Dipp to co-host “I Am the Cute One: A Mary-Kate and Ashley Podcast.” It launched on June 13th and is available on all platforms.

This is Donny’s third podcast that has launched since November of 2020. His first podcast, “Know That: A Real Housewives Podcast” has been a big success, and from that, he started another podcast “Truly Anything.”

Donny has interviewed many celebrities, including Nikki Blonsky, Robert Ri’chard, and Kalen Allen.

However, before this, he was stuck in a life that made him unhappy.

When the pandemic began, Donny got laid off from his job. Even though he worked at the job for eight years, he never really felt any passion for it. It was just a means to an end. When everyone had to quarantine in early COVID, like many people, Donny was just “trying to survive.”

He locked himself in his house, gained a bunch of weight, and just hid from the world.

Then, in September, he found out that there might be a possibility he’d have to return to his old life, old job, and old routine. He suddenly felt a sense of upset, as if he would be returning to something that didn’t serve him, not having used the time to do something that brought him joy. He decided that if he would be drug back to his old life, first he was going to make sure that he created something and followed his passions.

Donny’s success might seem to an outsider quite instantaneous, but it was the result of daily work and a complete overhaul of how he chose to think about himself, and who he was showing up as in the world.

Now, he’s living the life he’s dreamed of, delivering hilarious and witty commentary about pop culture to a captivated audience, and he approaches each day as an opportunity, not as a source of dread and upset.

It’s not just a great song by The Kinks!

It’s also a common phrase and a symptom of a common problem for people who are experiencing things like substance use disorder: terminal uniqueness.

People often have this underlying belief that they’re so different from others, and for it, they don’t seek out community.

That’s an issue because community is one of the most important steps to recovery.

People like to think that changing a bad habit is simple, but outside of the physical addiction, there’s an entire element of identity that gets shifted when you change anything about yourself.

The problem? Most of the people in your life don’t change right along with you.

Keeping up appearances, whether it’s with your body image or otherwise, is an unwinnable battle. It’ll never be enough. Someone will always have more, look “better,” own “more.” None of it is relevant to vibrancy or happiness. And what’s worse is, it keeps you from being free.

Many times, when people are stuck in a lifestyle that doesn’t serve them any longer, the thing they view as their “identity” is the very thing that’s keeping them stuck.

When we think about “identity,” we’re really just thinking about our story that we tell ourselves about our lives. Many people do not want to give up their story, because they feel giving it up will invalidate their very real experiences. Thus, many people live their whole lives in victim consciousness, unable to expand.

Changing what you perceive to be as your “identity” does not take away any validity from any part of your life. It simply allows you to have a better, freer future.